Arctic Glow
by Gilded Blue
Summary: She loved him to the point of absolute obsession. In her jealousy and pain, she found a place where she was willing to kill her own daughter. GokouBura, One Sided: BurumaGokou


**Arctic Glow**

Things were beautiful at one time. The audible Hell, robots fill the void of my existence, and I sit here alone and cold, wondering if I am honestly alive among my mechanical friends, my computer is my best friend, and yet I long for something warm.

And it's like a razor, cold and sharp, and it cuts me so deep and harshly, without emotion or regard for human emotions, and I am so very human. So, so human. Or at least that's what I'd like to tell myself. I wonder what would happen if I took pills. Would they make my life better, or would I feel like a machine, fulfilling a duty to my family.

Bejiita doesn't notice, not that he would. Because he's training Torankusu, or taking Bura to the mall like he really minds, like he's the one that hasn't adjusted to family life yet, but he's wrong, he's a great father, a few steps from a model father, and it's like they have a sacred and secret language and they can understand. I remember when I understood. But now I don't think he loves me. I don't think I can love.

Is a mother allowed to say she doesn't love her children? I loved Torankusu when he was a child. But then again I loved Bejiita then, and my little Trunks-Kun was a mirror, a more innocent version of Bejiita, what he could have been. But now I just flow like a ghost, and he hasn't held me in an eternity and forever multiplied by two million years.

Half way living, and half way dead, and only he noticed something funny because he hangs around here way too often. The black hole inside my heart, he noticed it, he had to, because he's something short of magic, he's sheer perfection and I dream that he holds me. Bejiita looks at me oddly for a few moments in the moments, but I pretend I'm asleep, in my realm where my name is Son.

He is a warm place, his arms are always open and his smile is as kind as his eyes as black as night, but his soul is bouncing and joyous as if he's still a child. He's the reason we're all alive, and I can't not look down on Bejiita, he still after all this time thinks he could ever possibly beat Gokou. But he can't, because Gokou is not short of all-powerful.

I walked along a rose garden, because he told me I needed to go outside more often. The sun seems like acid on my skin, I haven't left the house in so long, but he's not there with me even though I asked him to join me. He smiled so big that his eyes closed, and his hand tangled in his wild mane.

_"Sorry, Buruma, I've gotta go take Bura back with me. She wants to see Goten before he leaves for America. She's going to stay the night, right?"_

I half-way hoped I would be invited as well, but I stared at the screen and typed. Only my fingers moved, as if I couldn't breathe, waiting, hoping with each inching second that he would take me in his arms, and together we could forget about Bura and Goten and his coming success.

_"Hmn?" _I pretended that I wasn't paying attention, when I finally realized that maybe he wanted me to respond before he invited me, maybe he wanted to hear my voice, some sort of hidden language between only the two of us, and I would beckon him to me. But instead of begging him to have me as he'd never really been able to have ChiChi, I murmured, _"Oh, yes. That's fine. Make sure that they sleep in separate rooms, I don't trust that boy of yours. He's a mischievous thing, like his father." _

He blushed a bit, or I thought he did, all the while his hand stayed in his hair as if he was massaging his thoughts. But he didn't understand the message. Maybe it was the guilt, thoughts of ChiChi. I frowned, almost growling at the thought of the woman that stole him away from me. My hand brushed against his briefly, sending tickles down my heart, and I hoped he understood I was asking him to take my hand and I would show him that it was okay to feel guilt, but God meant for us to be together.

_"Well, I've got to go. I hope Bejii and I didn't destroy the entire lawn." _He waved, but before he exited, he stopped and looked at me and I tried to look back without absolute desperation. _"You look pale, Buruma. I mean it. You really should go outside."_

And so here I am. And each step is so painful, but he's such a child, he probably didn't know. Soon, we'll develop our own relationship. It took the kids and Bejiita a long time to create one, didn't it? He loves me, he has to, or at least I'll show him he loves me. I'll follow him tonight. Lead him deep into the woods, and we can make violent love for the first time, but it will not be the last, there will never be a last.

I'm flipping coins and the sun is falling, because the moon is superior to His Arrogance, the sun, and insists in his own quiet and mischievous way that his lady, the perfect night, owns the realm, at least for the next few hours, and they can dance together forever behind the sun's back. I want to be that way with Gokou.

Almost grimy, I want to enjoy wine with him in my bed, but I sip water as I do my hair and makeup, as I change, and when I am satisfied, I take my aircar, and head over to the Son cottage. I faintly see Bejiita smiling, or smirking, which is as close to a smile as he gets, at something Torankusu says through the table. They are enjoying some sort of food together and never once called me to join.

I landed in the lush forest, hidden and a little walk away. I hoped he would sense my ki and make up some sort of excuse that ChiChi would devour, and Goten and Bura would easily accept, slipping off to do what a teenaged girl and a boy that's so much older should never do. If Gokou and I ever became an item and I were to divorce Bejiita, then I would have to slowly explain to her it wouldn't be politically correct to date her step brother.

We are two halves, and they just don't seem to be. She's gone through so many boyfriends, Goten's not serious. No, a sixteen year old couldn't possibly ever find someone that she honestly loves, not at that age. I didn't know I loved Gokou until it was too late and I was stuck with two children. I refused to admit it, because of pride, because Bejiita was so very physically beautiful, and Gokou was a married man and I wouldn't stoop to infidelity, but at this point...

I stared. There he was, naked in the moonlight, across a lake and his reflection sends tan shimmers over the glossy water, it almost looks like a solid distortion. I can vaguely see him, he's...

No.

There is someone peeled between him and a tree. I watch in fascination, like a mirror image, maybe it was Goten, but I knew it wasn't as I approached, like looking into the past because he looks as he did when he was in his twenties. Their fingers are entwined, her arm slung over his neck, her legs tightly wrapped around his waist, and he seemed to be melted into her body.

It was the hot, sticky sort of sex that made the air thick and it was beautiful. But she was a child, and I stared sick and weak at what could have been me. She sips cherry soda as I did, but I now taste wine. Her hair is long as mine was, but mine is now a pixie cut, sure and mature. Did he cling to her because of his childish tendencies? Why?

Was it because she had Saiya-Jin blood, God, tell me it's Saiya-Jin mating season or something bizarre like that and he was just pretending she was me, but no as I advanced, I could hear he whispered sweet nothings, and pledges of eternal love and useless things like that, and maybe it was then that she stared at him, and at no more appropriate moment she whispered, with a raspy voice as his love wore her-a child, like an unworthy cloth, "Gokou... are you doing this because I look like my mother?"

He seriously stared into her eyes, and I anxiously listened as he kissed her neck. Then her ear. Her chin, her cheeks, her forehead, her lips, and their hands were forever entwined, as if tied by something more sacred than his marriage to ChiChi or what was supposed to be his love for me. And his response made me want to die. "It was... the other way around." He sighed when she stared at him with wide eyes, "Oh, Bura, I-you're so young, I thought, I wanted so much to believe I loved your mother and only loved you because you were so much like her, I tried so hard." His voice was small, thick with guilt, "I was willing to sacrifice my body to make sure that I never defiled something so beautiful. You're a baby compared to me."

"So... you had an affair..."

"No." He laughed a little, bitter now, "I tried, but when I looked at her I couldn't. Our lips were close, but I couldn't betray you and I hadn't even had you yet. I knew, I knew that you were something special and I could sacrifice my body, I could even though every time I want to see you, like no other woman, I would love to devour you," Now he was mature. Now he was a man, when he proclaimed love for a sixteen year old. I had no idea what to think. No idea what to say, how to address this, I wanted to jump out of hiding, but the pain was so great I couldn't breathe. He must've been lying to her, I wanted him to be lying to her, but he continued against my will, "But I couldn't let my heart go. I had to..." He almost choked, "I had to love you, Bura. Please, please trust me and never think that I would ever do anything with Buruma, I would never hurt you. The only thing you have in common with her is your hair, even your eyes are a prettier shade of blue."

Oh. Oh. Pain. Oh. You were supposed to love me. I stumbled to the side. I couldn't listen as he insulted me to fill the ego of a spoiled brat. I hated her. She stole what was mine, he was wrong, he had to be, I remembered so very well that day we spent together he leaned over and when my eyes brushed closed I found that he only bent over, blushing a bit and shy and sweet, she was a little vixen and he really did love me. And if she were gone... if she were gone he would see once more that he loved me and Goten will go to America, and we will run far, far away too and leave them all behind as we race to the horizon and hide behind the sun and making blazing love as he did her, but this time he will mean it and he will love me and he will say that he lied that that he loves me more, that he needs a woman more mature, that he refrained for so long but he was exploding due to pain of refraining, and he will indulge for the first time in what feels like an eternity, and I won't be half alive anymore.

If she wasn't here.

I'm only very sure I can't take anymore, and I am surprisingly fresh and brisk when I sit in my aircar and leave them to have their fun, if she wasn't here I would be there. And ChiChi, she is no threat, she probably doesn't even know well enough to care that her husband was soaked in sweat, craned over a girl's neck, nipping and licking, but let her have fun, because he is lying, he only wants to hurt her for being silly, and I can't blame him. I can't blame him. She came from me, but she holds the annoyance that I find in Bejiita. He doesn't love her. He can't love her.

And they were training in his little red room when I returned. There was food on the table with no note and I assumed that it was for me. But I had no appetite, I went to my lab, and I would hurt her. I will show her that there are worse things than death, and that's making a man think he loves her, when she's only keeping him from his true love. And then she will go away forever and when her essence flows out of her body, and her soul flies to Hell, her existence will forever be forgotten and he will love me and we will make love, passionate and sweet and he will touch my cheeks so sweetly, so gently, and he will whisper nothings to me, and admit fiery jealousy of Bejiita, and that is the real reason why they have always been horrible rivals, because Bejiita knew that he would never be able to stand up to him, and he lost me so long ago, but I don't think he really cares, we only half-loved each other, long enough for me to pop out with two children, or at least he managed to impregnate me twice.

I don't mind Torankusu, I honestly don't... But I am tired, and in my high spirits, I lost track of the time. It's nearly three in the morning. She will be here in a few hours, and now I rest and like any woman, I dream, dream of sweet things like love and obsession.

**"Bura!"**

**"Mum?"**

**"I need to see you down here."**

**"But Mum, I've-"**

**"_Now_, Dear."**

A frustrated sigh, the clop of her boots as she clumsily makes her way down the stairs to my lab, my realm, to be forgotten forever. Gokou and Bejiita are training, and this will all be over by the time the sun sets. She will be gone and he will take me the way he's been yearning to, but so deprived. "Okay, Mum, what'd'ya need?"

I stared at the computer screen, "We haven't really ever talked to you about sex, have we?"

She turned a bit red, "Look, Mum, Goten and I... I like him and all, but we're not-"

"Safe sex, I mean."

Bura frowned, "Mum, are you okay? Of course if I had sex it would be with condoms and stuff."

"That's not what I mean." I turned my chair to face her, and as I pressed the button, the cage fell down on her and she screeched and I almost smiled. "It's good to not be having sex with a man that loves another woman, and is it is very much returned."

**"What are you talking about?" **She stared at me, an anguished little whore. She should be, the bars made direct contact from every direction, slowly changing from their cage-shape to engulf her body, sucking away her life energy. I love science.

_"Did you think I wouldn't feel it?" _

"Feel what?" She closed her eyes, trying to be innocent, trying to toss her head, to trash about to rid herself of pain, but the bars held her stiff. She was pale and it'd only been two minutes. The electricity send little shocks about the room, but it was nothing to me. I bet it's hell for her.

"Gokou loves _me, _Bura. He loves me. Did you think I wouldn't notice that his attention wavered because someone had to be a little whore? I let you date Goten, wasn't that good enough? What were you thinking!" I shook my head, sighing a little, "My own daughter. I always wanted a daughter. I didn't know she was going to be such a brat." And I heard her raspy voice, calling me 'Mommy', almost incoherent pleas as she softly begged me to let off, and I would, as soon as she was dead. "I'll forgive him, of course. But you, you can never be trusted again. Not with my or any other man."

And as my delicate finger pressed the switch, the voltage increased before I saw a harsh flash and there he was, standing furious in front of me, cradling her in his arms like she was something precious, a doll to be loved. Bejiita pried the bars from her, and they were like toys to him. She was bruised and bloody, and when he handed her to Gokou, I stepped back.

"You are _insane, _Woman." He breathed.

Step back. "She knew I loved him."

Gokou looked in pain, brushing her hair away from her face, "Buruma..."

"He's already mated her. With my permission." Bejiita growled.

"How could you... I don't understand, you hate him." I stepped back, and he approached.

"I don't need to explain my methods to the likes of you!" He hissed.

Step back, step back, until I am stumbling over my chair.

"And if you ever... _ever..." _He twisted my arm, and I squealed, but Gokou did not look up. Bejiita wasn't like this-he didn't hurt women, "Touch my daughter again..."

I called to Gokou, and he was supposed to love me, supposed to kill Bejiita for looking at me, but he was holding my daughter like she was something special. Ah, and there was Torankusu, he'd save me.

"Son..." I whispered. My last chance for help.

He was looking at the scene from the stares, and his nose curled in disdain. Like something toxic and evil was thick in the air. "Mum, you're _sick._"

"I will kill you."

I stared at the malicious Bejiita I met when I was too young to know, back when I could have had Gokou and Bura did not exist and so she was not a threat. I am sobbing in a corner, now. Bura is in his arms, and he is turning towards the medical lab. Bejiita is following, concern and care etched in his face, and Torankusu, loyal son of Bejiita and Bejiita only, and loyal brother to Bura, followed.

Things were beautiful at one time. The audible Hell, robots fill the void of my existence, and I sit here alone and cold, wondering if I am honestly alive among my mechanical friends, my computer is my best friend, and yet I long for something warm, but all I can feel is this arctic glow.

* * *

Whatcha think? Should I continue? I'm not sure I will, but I hope you liked it. 


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